Excuse me...can you tell me how to get to...?

I'm lost.

Well, not really, but that is how I feel. Have you ever been at a place in your life when you felt like you had finally figured everything out only to have the rug ripped out from under you? Suddenly your life is no longer as it was and you are left to figure everything out on your own.

I am no stranger to struggle. I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I've had to fight for whatever I managed to get (I did have a brother after all!). Because of that, it came as a great surprise when there came a point in my life when doors of opportunity began to fly open at random. What's a girl to do to do but to walk (or run wildly) through those doors?

I did. What I found on the other side of those doors felt like home to me and felt like I was finally stepping into what I was designed for. But now, it seems as if all of those once-open doors have now slammed shut and I'm left stumbling around in a dark hallway. No light. No direction.

This is a very frustrating place for me to be. I don't enjoy feeling this way, but I also understand that I'm not the only person in the world who has felt this way. I'm sure you have felt that way before. I know when I feel this way, there is nothing that anyone can say to make me feel better. I do, however, find great peace and comfort in this:

I [the Lord] will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you. Psalm 32:8

And the Lord shall guide you continually and satisfy you in drought and in dry places and make strong your bones. And you shall be like a watered garden and like a spring of water whose waters fail not. Isaiah 58:11

Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass ... Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him. Psalm 37:4,7

For the LORD gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding. He stores up sound wisdom for the upright; He is a shield to those who walk in integrity, guarding the paths of justice, and He preserves the way of His godly ones. Then you will discern righteousness and justice and equity and every good course. Proverbs 2:6-9

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

Call to Me and I will answer you, and I will tell you great and mighty things, which you do not know. Jeremiah 33:3

I may not understand everything going on in my life at all times and I may not even like it all. However, I will trust in my God and His plans for me.

If you are facing (or have faced) a similar battle, I hope that you will find strength and hope in the word of God as I have. If you have any verses that have helped you through a rough time in life, please post them in the comment section below. Let's link arms and face our battles armed with the word of God! 

PS...Feel free to share this with anyone else who may need some direction or encouragement. We all face times like this. It's nice to know you're not alone. :o)

Don't Touch The Curtain!

Ahhh, it's nice to be back in the blogosphere again. It's been a while (a LONG while) since my last post due to my life being flipped upside down in incredible, albeit time consuming, ways. During this wild ride that I've been on, I learned something that I want to share with you.

My whole adventure began years ago with a few "church wounds," as I like to call them, that caused me to want to hide. I knew I needed to be in church, but I didn't really want to get to know anyone or be involved in anything. I didn't want my kids to know how deeply I was hurt by "the church" and I certainly didn't want them giving up on God because of my situation. I decided to go back to the church that I had attended in college and the early years of my marriage. I felt remotely safe there because it is a large church. I felt I could be a regular attender, but still be lost in the crowd, so off we went.

Have you ever just wanted to be invisible? Yep, that was me.

I enjoyed the music there, though, and I am a singer so I felt drawn to the choir. I figured I could be in the choir and still not really form any deep bonds. It would be ok. Right? Ha!

Skip forward a few years and a few Worship Arts pastors and you find me now. If you did a before and after comparison of me then and now, you would not believe it was the same person. I have experienced true healing and forgiveness from the church wounds of my past and not only found myself in the choir, but also found myself singing on the praise team. Eventually, I ended up becoming the main worship leader for about six months.

Not exactly what you'd call "hiding," huh?

During that time, I was walking past one of the white curtains on stage and noticed that there was a hole in it. I was amazed at the size of the whole and the fact that you couldn't see it from the congregation. For some reason, I couldn't take my eyes off of it. It was as if a small, quiet voice said, "Remember that hole." Later in the day, someone told me a story about that curtain because it caught his eye as we walked past it. The story went something like this:

 

"Oh yeah, don't touch the curtain. One of our old worship pastors ordered these from France and they cost $5000! He told us never to touch them because they were very delicate and had to be handled with care so they didn't get any holes. As you can see, they got a hole in them anyway."

Can YOU find the hole?

Then that small, quiet voice crept back in and said, "AND YET, they're still in use and quite beautiful even though some people thought they had to be perfect to be used."

 

A ha! It was beginning to come together. The lesson was for me. Even though God had given me an incredible opportunity to bring him glory through worship, I never felt "good enough" to be up there. I never felt like I had enough talent, was a good enough Christian, or was healed enough to lead anyone. It was in that moment that I realized that I don't have to be perfect for God to use me for His glory.

That curtain has been put in many different shapes, stretched, pulled, and heated under hot stage lights, but it's flaws never take away from it's beauty. That sounds a lot like the way I imagine God sees us. As long as we are willing to be flexible, humble, and used by Him, our flaws will not limit the way God can use us. In fact, our flaws may be the very thing that makes someone else believe that God can use them in the first place.

The lesson here is this: Don't hide who you are or what God created you to do or be...flaws and all. And who knows? Your flaws might encourage someone else and inspire them to write a blog post like this one some day. The great thing about being "anything but typical" is not that we are without flaws, but that we allow God to use us the way He wants to in spite of (or even because of) our flaws.