New Year's Revolution

Ah, New Year's Eve. The time of the year when everyone begins to think about the past year and dream about the new year that is rapidly approaching. At the stroke of midnight, we'll celebrate an end and a brand new start at the same time. Most people make "New Year's Resolutions." Well, of course, I can never do things in a "typical" fashion so I have adopted a new phrase and practice this year. Instead of making a list of resolutions that I may or may not achieve in the course of the next 365 days, I found inspiration in my 9 year old son who, in all of his glorious innocence, misspoke and called them New Year's "Revolutions."

Perfect.

Sometimes there is more wisdom in the mistake of a child than the knowledge of an adult. When that happens, I've learned not to fight it, but embrace it and go with the flow because there is always something amazing to learn.

This time, I began to think differently about planning for the future goals of 2014. Instead of the typical list (lose weight, exercise more, get healthy, make my bed every day, etc.), I began to think in terms of a revolution.

This. Is. War.

In the past, I have asked myself, "What do you want to accomplish this year?" The answer would be the basis of my resolution list. Unlike other people, I have never had a resolution that I didn't accomplish.

HAAAAAA! Yeah, right. Most resolutions are forgotten by Valentine's Day, if we are being honest here (myself included).

Instead of going through the same routine and making the same resolutions based on the same question, I decided that I needed to change my question. My new question looks more like this:

"What do I need to attack this year? What war do I need to fight to take back ground from the enemy of my soul?"

My answer to that question is something that has crippled me my whole life in one way or another, but it has caused more damage in the past decade than it ever has. It was subtle at first and barely noticeable, but is now causing noticeable damage and must be destroyed! It is going down!!

Ooops. Sorry! Got a little dramatic there. :o)

Anyway, my new year's revolution of 2014 is a war on FEAR. The enemy has effectively used this tool (fear) in my life on numerous occasions and, like a weed, it has spread to many areas of my life. But no more. I am more than a conqueror with the help of my Heavenly Father. By even acknowledging it for what it is, I have begun the battle. God has shown his light in the dark areas of my life and given me a chance to act like a child of the King of Kings.

So what about you? Do you want a revolution?

With a question like that, you KNOW I've got to leave you with this:

So what's it going to be for you? Resolution or Revolution?

A Little Christmas Sparkle

Ah, Christmas vacation. It's that most wonderful time of the year when you can actually rest, watch Christmas movies, reflect on the past year, and of course, drink eggnog and the favorite holiday drink in my family....Russian Tea! Oh, my dad makes the best Russian Tea on the planet. I've tried to make it myself, but nothing comes close to his special tea. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy just thinking about it.

 

I especially enjoy reflecting through my journals from the past year with a cup of that warm Russian tea and thinking about all that God has done in my life over the past year. It's nice to look back and be reminded of the good times, bad times, sad times and funny times. Today, as I was doing just that, I came across one of my journal entries that I have decided to share with you. It was from a beach trip that we took in August where I was thinking about some of the seashells I had collected from our time there.

 

I hope you enjoy it!

 

 

Thursday - August 29, 2013

 

In pondering about the shells I collected, I noticed how I kept being drawn to the same type of shells and I wasn't sure why because they've never caught my eye before this trip. They are solid black and almost look like some sort of prehistoric dinosaur foot or something. The top is rough and rugged but if you flip it over to the back, it is smooth. When it is dry, one might look at it and say, "What's so special about that ugly shell? Why would you be drawn to that?"

 

 

 

Well, it's simply, really.

 

As I sat in the water, I began to see all of these beautiful shells glistening in the sun. They were wet from the ocean water and the water was able to reveal their special "sparkle" quality. On the smooth side, they are covered in a translucent, iridescent layer that reflects the sun so beautifully. It's like their sneaky, secret way of glorifying their Creator. I couldn't take my eyes off of them!

 

It reminded me that even if we don't look like other "shells," we each have a secret, unique way we can shine for our Creator. All we need is the living water of Jesus to wash over us and reflect the beautiful rays of the Son in order to reveal our special "sparkle" quality that will draw others to us. Of course, we should never draw people for our own glory, but so that we can point them to the One who wants to wash over them and reveal THEIR "sparkle" quality.

 

Lord, help me to remember that you want to wash over me and shine through me today. Help me to bask in your presence and reflect you to all those who might be watching me today. May I always point them to you.

 

In Jesus Name, Amen

Leaving Me

Have you ever left yourself? I'm not talking about one of those "senior moments" where you forget where you parked your car or what you are looking for in the next room. What I am referring to has more to do with being faithful to your unique "self" and specific design that God has given you. Have you fallen prey to other people's inferior plans for you and your life? Have you caved under the pressure to conform to someone else's standards?

If you haven't then we need to talk! I want a signed copy of your "how to" tell all, for sure!

I've recently been doing a self-evaluation of sorts because I had left myself...repeatedly. By nature, I am a passionate person. The things I love, I REALLY love. The things I don't love, well...."look out" is all I have to say. I have a list of things that rank pretty highly on my "passions" list; however, I find myself hiding those parts of myself from others. Why do I do this?

After much thought, I have come to realize that I hide certain things from others because I want to avoid the conflict, nay-saying, and eye-rolling responses that one often gets when their truest self doesn't line up with someone else's comfort level. It doesn't even have to be anything even remotely repulsive either. I may like the color orange and others like the color blue. Eye roll. Sarcasm. Mockery.

BLECH! I'm sick of it.

I am so tired of being controlled by fears and social norms. I am finally at a point in my life where I am ready to stand up and look all the eye-rolling naysayers in the face and say, "This is who I am! Like it or lump it!"

You see, I have a unique design just like you have your own unique design. Instead of comparing designs, we should all be in a awe at God's creativity that he has breathed into each one of us. Why do we keep trying to find others who are just like us? Why do we exclude others who are different?

It's maddening, I tell you! Maddening!

But here's the thing. We can stop. We can stop all the hiding and conforming. We can be brave and stay true to our God-given design. So here is my first step:

1. I love anything that will promote a healthy body. I enjoy exercise and I particularly enjoy the vegan diet, particularly if the highest percentage of food I consume is raw fruits, veggies, nuts and seeds. Out of all that I am, this gets the MOST mockery. (I mean seriously?! Right?)

2. I love music. That includes all music. I enjoy music that is Christian along with music that is not religiously based. I love rock, swing, classical, country, pop, baroque, disco, rap, and a cappela (to name a few)! I can not be labeled when it comes to music unless you want to just call me eclectic.

3. Some of the deepest of my hurts have come from the church as you may have noticed if you have followed my blog at all. That one might sting a little, but it is true. However, some of my deepest healing and freedom has come from the church, but it didn't come from those who put on their churchy faces and  played "church as usual." It was from the people who dared to be different, who swam against the current, and who loved me back to health. Those people are not the big crowd pleasers. Most of what they do to help people will NEVER be seen because they have to have be underground...EVEN INSIDE THE WALLS of the church. My life was turned around by one such person and to him, my husband and I will be eternally grateful.

4. I sense God in nature. I don't just love nature as a gardener; I love it as one who adores their Creator. Some might call that idolatry. I call it awe of Abba and everything He created. It's like looking at a photograph and recalling a person's scent, accent, jokes, personality, and where you were when it all took place. That is what nature is to me. It's a way that I connect with my Father.

5. I am a mystic. I am not a mystic in the sense that I lose sight of reality and start having all of these mini-gods. I am a mystic in the sense that there is SO much more to this life than many of us are willing to see and God is everywhere! He can't be overlooked and I want to see him!

This is who I am. These are things for which I am mocked and belittled, but this is my unique design and I'm tired of hiding it. You don't have to like it. I am actually an introvert so I don't desire to be liked by everyone. I can take it if you don't like it. It doesn't bother me anymore. I am who I am.

The question is....Who are YOU? Tell me in the comments below or on facebook. I'd love to hear more about your unique design and how you aren't afraid to be YOU any longer. I'm all ears...

Steal My Show

So I've been feeling a blog coming on, but it's not this one. (How's that for "bait and switch?") I have it mostly finished, but there it sits in my drafts just waiting to be broadcast to the world. I must admit that there's a reason it is my "lady in waiting." Sometimes God just tells us to sit down and shut our mouths. The time will come for that one, but right now, I'm living in chaos. I am daily crying out to my Abba Father for help, strength, wisdom, and (as my mother always prayed) a bridled tongue.

A situation has presented itself in my life (ahem, reared it's UGLY head) and it's not fun. It branches into a lot of other areas of my life that mean a lot to me; so it's safe to say that currently every day is a battle for me. Luckily, I have an amazing husband who knows that I am on my ledge and he continually urges me to "guard my heart." He realizes this is a spiritual battle and he wants me to fight. I've blogged many times about my brother and the profound ways he has shaped my life. He taught me to fight and to never back down, so I'm am ready to pummel some people! However, that is not the type of fighting I need to be doing at the moment (nor is the verbal lashing I'd like to offer some people free of charge).

The Spirit of God is teaching me to wait out the storm. He is teaching me to praise him while I am hurting. Although I don't handle every problem as I should, He is still beckoning me to come....sit....pray....praise.....linger...worship. It goes against everything I am "typically" used to doing. When there's a problem, I hop right on the saddle and try to fix it. If option A doesn't work, I immediately go to option B. You get the picture. I'm a fixer. I try to fix things and fix them quickly. Unfortunately, He's teaching me that this attitude is a branch of idolatry and pride. UGH. Them again?!

I've been made aware of these issues before during my spiritual journey over the past two years. I understand that seemingly "good things" can turn into strongholds and I've had to attack a few strongholds over the past two years. It's WONDERFUL knowing how to do so. It's empowering to know that I don't have to live under the tyranny of my enemy. I have a choice. I can fight in a different way.

And guess what...

I'm choosing to fight in a completely different way than I ever have before. If you know me or you have followed my blog at all, you know I love music. I may not memorize every artist or song title, but music flows in my veins. It is my native language. It's how God and I talk oftentimes and tonight, we had a powerful conversation that I felt he wanted me to share with you. It was based on Toby Mac's new song, "Steal My Show." As it was playing on the radio, I knew I needed to take out the word "if" repeated throughout the song and make it my prayer to my Abba....my Daddy who has helped me SO much over the past several weeks.

Here is my prayer:

Abba,

Please steal my show. I'll sit back and watch you go. I know you've got something to say so please just take it away. I NEED you to steal my show. I'll can't wait to watch you go. So take it away! I surrender!

It's easy for people involved in music (in any way) to make it about them and to think the "show" is about them. I find that many of my prayers are like that. They are "me focused" and they show that my heart is self-centered. I've had to confess this to my Father in order to change my habits of pride and idolatry. It took a painful situation (all UP in my face) to make me realize that.

In my heart, I truly don't want to make everything about myself. Sometimes we make it about ourselves without us even knowing and then the damage is done (both to us and the people who've had to endure it). I hope that you can understand what I am trying to say and I hope it helps you in some way. I love people and I really want to help others even if it means I'm airing my guts publicly. It's a small price to pay to help others, help myself, and glorify the Father. After all, that's Who we are here for, right?

"I'll Get You, My Pretty...and Your Little Dog, too!"

Have you ever been insulted or betrayed? I'm sure none of us have ever been betrayed as badly as Jesus was betrayed by Judas, but our betrayals hurt none-the-less. The biggest question is this: "As a Christian, how do we handle it when someone wrongs us or 'stabs us in the back?'"

I'm here to tell you that I have not always handled it properly.

But YES, there is a right way to handle it and (you guessed it) I'm here to tell you about it.

I never promise that my blogs will be all about "feel good" topics and this definitely is not one of them. However, it is a truth that can't be ignored if you plan to get through your next "attack" without giving Satan room to build a stronghold in your life.

What's a stronghold? In short, it is when Satan gains ground on your heart and surrounds it with a fortress of lies that effect the way you think (and of course this effects the way you act and treat others). You can probably see that strongholds are Satan's best way of ruining you and your testimony rendering you ineffective for the Kingdom.

Now, back to the original question, "How?" As always, the answer is found in the Word of God. In I Peter 2:23, we find the answer, which says:

"He did not retaliate when he was insulted. When he suffered, he did not threaten to get even. He left his case in the hands of God who always judges fairly."

That last word is what smacked me in the face. Fairly. I have not always handled insults, suffering, and betrayal fairly. I have not always looked at both sides of the situation and asked God for wisdom. I only saw my side and defended it ruthlessly. Until...

Don't you just LOVE that with Jesus there is always and "Until" or "But God?" It's those moments where he steps in and presents a game-changer. My game-changer was a spiritual journey that was started a couple of years ago that has led to freedom in many areas of my life and given me the tools I need to break down any stronghold I come across. It helps me to live according to TRUTH instead of the lies of the enemy. I will never be the same (thankfully!).

I've had betrayals that hurt like the dickens (to be quite honest). However, I now have the opportunity to be anything but typical and cling to my scriptural instructions that tell me to leave my case in the hands of God because HE (not me) judges fairly. I don't have to handle it the way I used to handle things.

In the past, I had the power to cut someone to pieces with my hurtful words in retaliation for anything they did to me that I didn't find fair. However, Jesus led by example when "like a sheep led to the slaughter, he remained silent (Isaiah 53:7)." Our words should only bring life. If we are incapable of offering that at the moment, we have the option to remain silent and let God be our defender and judge.

I never told you it would be easy, but it IS freedom. It IS truth. It IS the better way.

 

We shouldn't walk around hurting one another and unleashing our revenge. Our job is to live like Christ and to continually surrender our hearts and minds to him. Believe me, He won't leave you to face your battle, hurt, insult, betrayal, or suffering alone. His strong arms will support you. His heart will love you and his Spirit will never leave you. Rest in him knowing that he will judge fairly and will take care of you!

Warts, bunions, callouses, and all!

You know, I think I would have been a lot like Peter when Jesus came at him with a towel and wash basin ready to wash his feet. Jesus was trying to teach a valuable lesson in humility and servant hood and Peter was like, "HOLD UP! Oh no you don't! You can't wash my feet! Have you seen them? Their all dirty, dry, and scaly and you are the Son of God. You can't touch my filth!!" Of course, that is the "Christy paraphrase version," but I would have probably said the same thing if I were in that situation. Their minds were probably having a difficult time processing what was going on. They had spent all this time with the Messiah and they were fully expecting huge things to take place under his watch. Then there He is performing the acts of a slave and lowering Himself to the floor to clean their dirty, stinky feet. It's hard to comprehend. Why in the world would he do such a thing? It doesn't make sense.

Does. Not. Compute.

However, he did it and they had to accept it. Peter finally conceded when Jesus told him that if he didn't wash his feet, he wouldn't belong to Him. Wanting to belong to Jesus, Peter said, "Then you can wash all of me (again, my paraphrase)." I can also see myself saying that, as foolish as it seems. If there were a need to wash all of him, Jesus would have been doing it. Jesus knew what needed to be done. He knew that the disciples were clean everywhere else except their feet so that's what He washed. However, he knew one of them wasn't clean...Judas. Judas had "left the building" and Satan had entered into him causing him to sell Jesus to "the church" for the going price of a slave. Funny how Jesus then washes their feet like a slave and then tells them to follow His example, huh?

The idea of being treated like a slave didn't scare Jesus like it does us. We demand our rights and reach for perfection as if it means we are more important than others when we reach it. Humans are lethal at times with our ability to crush people who get in our way and it's unfortunate that I've never seen it happen more than in the church. I'm sure it happens elsewhere, but most of my life has been wrapped up in "churchy things" so that's all I've really known. I've seen it in the churches I've attended, the christian school from which I graduated, the churches in which I've worked, and even the church I now attend. And we wonder why pastors, youth pastors, and worship arts pastors never stick around for long!

They are not always the innocent victims, though. As I was studying this passage about Jesus washing the disciples' feet, I found a quote in the Halley's Bible Handbook that I was using. It said, "Oh how the Church has suffered through all the centuries because so many of it's leaders have been consumed by the passion to be great!"

"Oh how the Church has suffered through all the centuries because so many of it's leaders have been consumed by the passion to be great!"

That's an "Amen! Ouch" type of statement. I'm sure we've all suffered from the pride that consumes us and causes us to want to be known for being the best at what we do. But really, I just want to ask "Do it matter?" Does it matter if we preached well, sang well, greeted well, ushered well, directed well, served the board well, taught Sunday School well, or cooked well?

No, people! NO!!

What matters is this:

Did we become servants?
Did we follow Jesus' prideLESS example?
Did we embrace people even in their filth and sin?
Did we show them love and mercy?
Did we let go of everything we thought we knew only to be taught by the Truth and Spirit of God?
Did our lives match up to the Good News we proclaim?

Or did we crush them on our way to the top? Did we gossip about them behind their back? Did we find it more important to save face than embrace our own failures and apologize?

It's hard to accept, but it's Truth found right in the word of God. Read it for yourself in John 13:1-17 and see if it doesn't want to make you do church and life differently. Anybody can crush people and be used by the demons of hell to destroy other people (seriously, that's nothing new). It takes the Spirit of God living in you to help you rise above the pain other "Christians" cause and the betrayals of this world.

We have a higher calling to humble ourselves and serve. We have a call to lower ourselves to NOTHING in the world's eyes. We are not called to play the political church game and I am SO through with it. The church is not our home. It is not our purpose nor our calling. Our calling is follow Jesus. If there is anything standing in the way of you being able to hear Jesus' voice guiding you, GET RID OF IT. This life is short, but eternity is forever. Choose whom you will serve.