Steal My Show

So I've been feeling a blog coming on, but it's not this one. (How's that for "bait and switch?") I have it mostly finished, but there it sits in my drafts just waiting to be broadcast to the world. I must admit that there's a reason it is my "lady in waiting." Sometimes God just tells us to sit down and shut our mouths. The time will come for that one, but right now, I'm living in chaos. I am daily crying out to my Abba Father for help, strength, wisdom, and (as my mother always prayed) a bridled tongue.

A situation has presented itself in my life (ahem, reared it's UGLY head) and it's not fun. It branches into a lot of other areas of my life that mean a lot to me; so it's safe to say that currently every day is a battle for me. Luckily, I have an amazing husband who knows that I am on my ledge and he continually urges me to "guard my heart." He realizes this is a spiritual battle and he wants me to fight. I've blogged many times about my brother and the profound ways he has shaped my life. He taught me to fight and to never back down, so I'm am ready to pummel some people! However, that is not the type of fighting I need to be doing at the moment (nor is the verbal lashing I'd like to offer some people free of charge).

The Spirit of God is teaching me to wait out the storm. He is teaching me to praise him while I am hurting. Although I don't handle every problem as I should, He is still beckoning me to come....sit....pray....praise.....linger...worship. It goes against everything I am "typically" used to doing. When there's a problem, I hop right on the saddle and try to fix it. If option A doesn't work, I immediately go to option B. You get the picture. I'm a fixer. I try to fix things and fix them quickly. Unfortunately, He's teaching me that this attitude is a branch of idolatry and pride. UGH. Them again?!

I've been made aware of these issues before during my spiritual journey over the past two years. I understand that seemingly "good things" can turn into strongholds and I've had to attack a few strongholds over the past two years. It's WONDERFUL knowing how to do so. It's empowering to know that I don't have to live under the tyranny of my enemy. I have a choice. I can fight in a different way.

And guess what...

I'm choosing to fight in a completely different way than I ever have before. If you know me or you have followed my blog at all, you know I love music. I may not memorize every artist or song title, but music flows in my veins. It is my native language. It's how God and I talk oftentimes and tonight, we had a powerful conversation that I felt he wanted me to share with you. It was based on Toby Mac's new song, "Steal My Show." As it was playing on the radio, I knew I needed to take out the word "if" repeated throughout the song and make it my prayer to my Abba....my Daddy who has helped me SO much over the past several weeks.

Here is my prayer:

Abba,

Please steal my show. I'll sit back and watch you go. I know you've got something to say so please just take it away. I NEED you to steal my show. I'll can't wait to watch you go. So take it away! I surrender!

It's easy for people involved in music (in any way) to make it about them and to think the "show" is about them. I find that many of my prayers are like that. They are "me focused" and they show that my heart is self-centered. I've had to confess this to my Father in order to change my habits of pride and idolatry. It took a painful situation (all UP in my face) to make me realize that.

In my heart, I truly don't want to make everything about myself. Sometimes we make it about ourselves without us even knowing and then the damage is done (both to us and the people who've had to endure it). I hope that you can understand what I am trying to say and I hope it helps you in some way. I love people and I really want to help others even if it means I'm airing my guts publicly. It's a small price to pay to help others, help myself, and glorify the Father. After all, that's Who we are here for, right?

Warts, bunions, callouses, and all!

You know, I think I would have been a lot like Peter when Jesus came at him with a towel and wash basin ready to wash his feet. Jesus was trying to teach a valuable lesson in humility and servant hood and Peter was like, "HOLD UP! Oh no you don't! You can't wash my feet! Have you seen them? Their all dirty, dry, and scaly and you are the Son of God. You can't touch my filth!!" Of course, that is the "Christy paraphrase version," but I would have probably said the same thing if I were in that situation. Their minds were probably having a difficult time processing what was going on. They had spent all this time with the Messiah and they were fully expecting huge things to take place under his watch. Then there He is performing the acts of a slave and lowering Himself to the floor to clean their dirty, stinky feet. It's hard to comprehend. Why in the world would he do such a thing? It doesn't make sense.

Does. Not. Compute.

However, he did it and they had to accept it. Peter finally conceded when Jesus told him that if he didn't wash his feet, he wouldn't belong to Him. Wanting to belong to Jesus, Peter said, "Then you can wash all of me (again, my paraphrase)." I can also see myself saying that, as foolish as it seems. If there were a need to wash all of him, Jesus would have been doing it. Jesus knew what needed to be done. He knew that the disciples were clean everywhere else except their feet so that's what He washed. However, he knew one of them wasn't clean...Judas. Judas had "left the building" and Satan had entered into him causing him to sell Jesus to "the church" for the going price of a slave. Funny how Jesus then washes their feet like a slave and then tells them to follow His example, huh?

The idea of being treated like a slave didn't scare Jesus like it does us. We demand our rights and reach for perfection as if it means we are more important than others when we reach it. Humans are lethal at times with our ability to crush people who get in our way and it's unfortunate that I've never seen it happen more than in the church. I'm sure it happens elsewhere, but most of my life has been wrapped up in "churchy things" so that's all I've really known. I've seen it in the churches I've attended, the christian school from which I graduated, the churches in which I've worked, and even the church I now attend. And we wonder why pastors, youth pastors, and worship arts pastors never stick around for long!

They are not always the innocent victims, though. As I was studying this passage about Jesus washing the disciples' feet, I found a quote in the Halley's Bible Handbook that I was using. It said, "Oh how the Church has suffered through all the centuries because so many of it's leaders have been consumed by the passion to be great!"

"Oh how the Church has suffered through all the centuries because so many of it's leaders have been consumed by the passion to be great!"

That's an "Amen! Ouch" type of statement. I'm sure we've all suffered from the pride that consumes us and causes us to want to be known for being the best at what we do. But really, I just want to ask "Do it matter?" Does it matter if we preached well, sang well, greeted well, ushered well, directed well, served the board well, taught Sunday School well, or cooked well?

No, people! NO!!

What matters is this:

Did we become servants?
Did we follow Jesus' prideLESS example?
Did we embrace people even in their filth and sin?
Did we show them love and mercy?
Did we let go of everything we thought we knew only to be taught by the Truth and Spirit of God?
Did our lives match up to the Good News we proclaim?

Or did we crush them on our way to the top? Did we gossip about them behind their back? Did we find it more important to save face than embrace our own failures and apologize?

It's hard to accept, but it's Truth found right in the word of God. Read it for yourself in John 13:1-17 and see if it doesn't want to make you do church and life differently. Anybody can crush people and be used by the demons of hell to destroy other people (seriously, that's nothing new). It takes the Spirit of God living in you to help you rise above the pain other "Christians" cause and the betrayals of this world.

We have a higher calling to humble ourselves and serve. We have a call to lower ourselves to NOTHING in the world's eyes. We are not called to play the political church game and I am SO through with it. The church is not our home. It is not our purpose nor our calling. Our calling is follow Jesus. If there is anything standing in the way of you being able to hear Jesus' voice guiding you, GET RID OF IT. This life is short, but eternity is forever. Choose whom you will serve.

My Grace-o-meter Is Broken

There are some people who are always kind, encouraging and full of grace toward others. If someone messes up, they tell them it's not as bad as they think and proceed to tell them all their good qualities so they are not discouraged. I love those people! I can think of one person in particular who has been that for me. She encouraged me when I needed it the most and always has a way of cheering me up. She saw something in me when no one else did and she fought hard to give me the chance she thought I deserved. For that, I am eternally greatful. She is one of the nicest people I've ever met and truly seeks to honor God with her gifts and talents.

Not only that, but when she is faced with annoying, self-seeking people she does her best to try to make the situation not quite as frustrating for everyone else by keeping the peace, sharing a wink or sneaking in an understanding giggle. She just makes you feel like everything is going to be alright and she tries to keep everything in perspective.

I hope to be like her one day...full of grace. As it stands now, there are times when I think my "grace-o-meter" is broken. It doesn't happen often (thank goodness), but there are times when I am confronted with a mean, selfish, or obnoxious person and my grace level bottoms out and "mean nasty Christy" rises up to bear her teeth. My mind begins to spiral into the land of "I'm gonna tell you one thing, buddy!" From that point it just gets ugly.

In those moments, what's a girl to do? I found it ironic that I was faced with that situation today, of all days, when my meditation focus was on God's attriubute of being "full of grace." Hmmm. So if my grace-o-meter is broken, but God is full of grace, I guess I know who I need to go to for help when I'd love nothing more than to firmly put someone in their place.

It took a while for me to "get it." I fell into the temptation of mentally telling this person off when I realized I was not exhibiting grace. (Ouch, Lord! Did you have to step on my toes THAT hard?!) So I knew what I needed to do.

First of all, I needed to repent of my terrible attitude. Then I needed to ask God for help. HA! That sounded so nice like all I said was, "Dear Lord, help me," but the truth is that I prayed like a mad woman! I knew that left to myself, I may give in to the temptation to let my tongue fly off like toilet paper in a wind storm. I asked Him to teach me about His attribute of the fullness of grace by helping me to be graceful in this moment. I figured you might as well start with a doozie because anyone can be full of grace around a pleasant person. Grace is put to the test when it's hard.

And let me tell you....it was hard. However, in that prayer time, I also remembered the grace that was given to me when God sent His son to die for my sins. That must have been considerably more painful than what I was facing. He did it because He valued my soul just like He values the soul of the people who annoy me. He did it for the bigger picture.

That made me ask, "So what is the bigger picture of this situation?" My thoughts began to be led to how the value of people's souls are worth so much more than my dignity, pride, rights, comfort, respect, and feelings. My heart began to soften towards the situation eventually and I began to see that I stepped out of a place of full surrender in order to defend myself. I don't need to do that. If I fully trust God and truly want to surrender to Him, I need to maintain that attitude of surrender even if it means I am mistreated.

That's when I realized that God had just taught me what it means to be full of grace. In no way do I think I have arrived, but I do believe that God placed a little drop of grace (or even a big dollup) in my tank so that my grace-o-meter was revived.

Here's a little something about God's grace for you to cling to the next time your grace-o-meter bottoms out:

Ephesians 1:5-8

5 His unchanging plan has always been to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. And this gave him great pleasure. 6 So we praise God for the wonderful kindness he has poured out on us because we belong to his dearly loved Son. 7 He is so rich in kindness that he purchased our freedom through the blood of his Son, and our sins are forgiven. 8 He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding.  

Gold in a Sea of Gravel

"I've got this! It's all under control. I don't need anyone's help. I can take care of myself. If I want it done right, I better do it myself." Ever heard anyone say anything like these phrases? Have you ever said them yourself? I know I have. I've tried to be Ms. Independent and Ms. Tough Girl, but it ws all in an effort to protect myself or prove that what I had to say was valid. It really just boils down to pride.

We all want to be validated and feel self-worth. Many of us think that we are the ONLY ones with a valid opinion and that it's our job to ensure that everyone else knows it. (You know you just thought of someone in your head...don't even try to deny it. LOL) When left in that state of mind, it is easy to believe we are self-sufficient as if somehow God struck pure gold when He created us and filled the rest of humanity with gravel.

Pride. I'll say it again...PRIDE.

Here is the truth about self-sufficiency: God is the only one who is truly self-sufficient. It's one of His attributes. Take a look:

Acts 17:24-28 (NLT)

24 "He is the God who made the world and everything in it. Since he is Lord of heaven and earth, he doesn't live in man-made temples, 25 and human hands can't serve his needs -- for he has no needs. He himself gives life and breath to everything, and he satisfies every need there is. 26 From one man he created all the nations throughout the whole earth. He decided beforehand which should rise and fall, and he determined their boundaries. 27 "His purpose in all of this was that the nations should seek after God and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him -- though he is not far from any one of us. 28 For in him we live and move and exist. As one of your own poets says, 'We are his offspring.'  

He clearly doesn't need our help with anything and we clearly need His help for everything. He has no need for assistance from us. He is the Creator and the One who filled an entire planet full of people by starting with only one man and one woman. It's nothing we could have done on our own without God's perfect design.

Furthermore, it is in Him that we live, move and even exist. We can't even breathe without God allowing it so how in the world do we think we can handle our problems, stress, addictions and sin without His help at every moment? How could we possibly overcome any of it without His help? We can't.

What does that mean for us? It means that we need to recogize the self-sufficiency of God, acknowledge our inability to be self-sufficient (less we become a victim of pride), and surrender every moment  to Him for His glory. You know that moment when you're about to put someone in their place? Yep, surrender that moment to Him and see how that changes the situation. That moment when you want to retaliate for someone being a complete jerk to you? Yep, surrender that moment, too. God is sufficient. He is enough. In fact, He is more than enough and more than we can handle in this lifetime. 

Oh, and one more thing to really bake your noodle: He is not far from any one of us (read verse 27 again). Don't think He's too far away to meet your needs. He is everywhere you go waiting for you to rely entirely upon Him alone. Let's not keep Him waiting.