What Do I Know?

Today's thoughts were directed toward another name of God: Jehovah-M'Kaddesh. This name means "the God who sanctifies." It basically means that God is the only one who can make you holy.

Leviticus 20:7,8

7 So set yourselves apart to be holy, for I, the LORD, am your God. 8 Keep all my laws and obey them, for I am the LORD, who makes you holy.  

There is so much in this one little verse. First of all, becoming holy involves a choice we must make to allow God to "do His thing." It involves walking away from our past of sin and taking a step of faith to surrender who we are to God. In American society, "who" we are is a concept that is under constant scrutiny. Are we too fat, too skinny, pretty, ugly, nice, rich, poor, prideful, humble, mean, tall, short, or "just" average? The media fights for our attention and is labeled as THE source of all news and up-to-date stats on the latest fads and bandwagons we should be jumping on. (Don't EVEN get me started on THAT one. Another blog for another day.)

It's all a distraction from the truth that God is not concerned with the fact that some people wear white shoes before Easter!

He's interested in your heart. That is where the holiness begins. It begins with first allowing Him into your heart, confessing & walking away from your sin, and then following Him on your own journey. Holiness is such a HUGE concept that it's difficult to really grasp.

I do know that holiness is not the same as legalism. It doesn't involve an endless list of rules we must begrudgingly obey.

God IS holy and we can only become holy with His help, guidance, and direction. A year ago, I couldn't have told you thing about how God does this in people. He has blessed me with the opportunity to be involved in a process where I get to watch Him change people. Over the course of the past year, the changes I've seen in these people have been so profound that I am can only stand in silent awe of God. No human could do that. No checklist of rules could accomplish what God has accomplished. He is healing people, forgiving people, giving them hope, and making them HOLY.

They are totally different than they were a year ago. I am totally different than I was a year go. If there is any holiness in me at all, it's all because of Him because I'm a hopeless case without Him. Holiness doesn't mean that we just get a big "Shazam!" and we're all of a sudden perfect. FAR from it. It is a marathon, not a sprint. In fact, those who are truly holy will probably tell you they are not, but the evidence is clear. They can't hide it.

Now, that is one side of it. I can't say I understand it all or else I would be lying, but I'm learning more about what is true holiness and what is just smoke in mirrors.

The holiness of God on the other hand.....I can't even begin to fathom the depths of what that means. We get to experience a bit of holiness on this side of heaven, but who can truly understand the fullness of GOD'S holiness. He doesn't war within Himself on what is right and wrong. He is the only One who can ever be perfect.

Please listen to this song. It perfectly expresses what I think about the holiness of God. What do I know? What do I know of holy? All I know is that I am so small and He is everything. I'm humbled that He would even THINK of me....much less love me.

What Do I Know of Holy by Addisons Road

Jehovah.

Ok, so this little journey is already proving to be very interesting. I began my day knowing that I would be writing about the root of many of God's names, which is "Jehovah." I've never made or fully taken a 30 day challenge like this because I'm human and I fail....A LOT. I am forgetful and busy to a fault and I was so worried that I would forget all about the challenge and never move forward on this journey God is leading me on.

(This is where God would be saying, "HA! Amateur! She thinks I'll allow her to forget what I'm asking her to do! Now THAT is rich!" I can just hear his belly laughs rolling across the sky like thunder.)

Much to my surprise, once I got up, had my coffee, and was on my way to work, this challenge was the first thing that popped in my head. I began to think, "Ok God, I'm seeking you. I want to know more about your name Jehovah." Before I knew it I had spent 20 minutes meditating on God while I was driving. The same thing happened on my ride home. My thoughts immediately returned to Jehovah. If nothing else, just focusing my heart and mind on Him was worth the price of admission! It was the slight detail I overlooked when I embarked on this journey. I can't wait to see what a difference this is going to make in me and my walk with God.

Anyway, on to "Jehovah." It is the name of our God who can stand on His own and needs no help. He is the only true God. We have many people, myths, ideas, and dreams that we try to elevate to the status of "a" god, but is endless and doesn't change. He is who he is and that will never change throughout eternity. He IS.

Check it out:

Exodus 3:13-15

13 But Moses protested, "If I go to the people of Israel and tell them, 'The God of your ancestors has sent me to you,' they won't believe me. They will ask, 'Which god are you talking about? What is his name?' Then what should I tell them?" 14 God replied, "I AM THE ONE WHO ALWAYS IS. Just tell them, 'I AM has sent me to you.'" 15 God also said, "Tell them, 'The LORD, the God of your ancestors -- the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob -- has sent me to you.' This will be my name forever; it has always been my name, and it will be used throughout all generations.  

In this passage, Moses was afraid of a task God had given him. It wasn't exactly the job of seeking Him and recording it on a blog. Nope. This was tough stuff. He had to go to the leader of a nation and tell him that God (Jehovah) wanted him to free the Hebrews from slavery. A lot was at stake here and Moses wanted some sort of proof to offer Pharaoh. He wanted a name.

I'm imagining Heathcliff Huxtible (Billy Cosby) telling one of his kids, "I brought you in this world and I'll take you out!" It is like God is saying, "I was here before you were born and I'll be here long after your dead and gone. You will fade away like a mist, but I do not change and I'm not going anywhere. You don't want to come against me. THAT is who I am."

Of course, that would have to come from the Christy's Anything But Typical paraphrase version of the Bible, but I digress.

The name Jehovah will forever mean to me that the God I serve is fierce and not afraid to confront anyone or anything. He will lay a smack down to free His people from whatever enslaves them (and we've all been enslaved by something at some point whether it was sin, pride, fear, legalism, addictions, or whatever). Leaders of nations can't thwart him. Human power can't hold him back. He is unstoppable.

He IS Jehovah.

God, Just Who Do You Think You Are?!

It's a valid question. Who IS God? Some wonder, many think they have Him all figured out, and others couldn't care less who He is. In our world, there are many perspectives on the whole "God thing." I find myself being a hybrid. I know God. I have a relationship with Him that was made possible because of Jesus' death on the cross for me. However, even though I know him (in part), I still have so many questions and have a deep hunger to learn more. Not to sound sacreligious, but it's kind of like that Lay's potato chip commercial says, "Betcha can't eat just one." I dare anyone to truly give God the chance He deserves and see if you can walk away. He is compelling. Once you experience Him, you instinctively want more.

In light of that instinct, I am about to embark on a journey and I'm inviting you all to join me. I have recently been inspired by a fellow blogger and woman of God at my church. She set out to listen intently for God and radically obey Him regardless of what He asked her to do for 30 days. I took the challenge with her and was rocked by what I experienced and what God asked of me.

This journey is a part of that. On this journey, I am going to focus on a name and/or attribute of God for the next 30 days. It may mean that I am a sharing from my own studies or personal experience. However, it may also mean that you might get a front row seat to watch me wrestle with some things. Regardless, I am making a promise to be real, honest, and vulnerable. No one can ever fully comprehend the vastness of who God is, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try.

Join me on my journey! I'd love to hear about your stories of discovering or experiencing God along the way. Feel free to post your comments below or email me, if you like. Let's dare to learn the truth of who God is for ourselves, never taking someone else's word for it.

Holy Father,

In the name of your Son, Jesus Christ, I ask that you would remove anything that blinds me from seeing you. Show me more of you. Illuminate the truth and open my eyes, mind, ears, heart, and soul to experience you over these next 30 days.

All I want is you.

In Jesus Name, Amen

Like Inigo Montoya says...

For those of you who know me, you know that I absolutely LOVE the movie, "The Princess Bride." Getting into a quote battle with me is like going against a Sicilian when death is on the line....you just don't do it. (See how I snuck that one in there?) Much of the conversation that takes place in my home is filled with accents and all sorts of movie quotes. If you've never seen the movies we quote, you'd think we were all insane after one trip to my home (yes, you read right..."we all" means that we've corrupted...or enhanced...our children with this practice).

One of my favorite quotes from Inigo Montoya (OK, seriously, if this name is unfamiliar to you, go watch "The Princess Bride." Go on...I'll wait.) is when he says, "Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up." He had a whale of a story to share with the man in black, but he was short on time. That is how I feel right now.

I have so much to say, but I have to summarize it into one blog. HA!

This past year has just been nuts. At this time last year, I was in great need of a creative outlet. I had so much in my heart and mind that I couldn't hold it inside any longer. Thus, my blog was born. Right around that time, I also had a birthday. I turned 33. That is a pretty big number...not age-wise, of course, but Biblically speaking. At the age of 33, Jesus Christ suffered a horrendously brutal death to save every human being on earth from the bondage of sin and eternal punishment. I can't imagine CHOSING to do something like that at my age. But he did. They didn't "take" his life from him. He gave it freely with a purpose.

That thought intrigued me so I prayed a prayer. You'll think I'm nuts when you read what I prayed, but hang out with me long enough and you'll know I'm nuts regardless. Here's what I prayed:

Holy Father,

I want to dedicate this next year to Christ. I want to draw nearer, be more connected, and I want to understand him more. By this time next year, I want to BE more like Christ. This year is yours. Take it and do as you wish for your glory.

In Jesus' Name, Amen

Yep...I did it. I know, right? Apparently, that got God's attention and He got right to work. Things began to shift rapidly and all of a sudden I felt like I had been sucked into a vortex. My life dramatically changed (thus limiting my time for blogging, but that's another story for another day). From my relationships, family, and location, to my church experience, relationship with God, and my employment. Nothing is the same. Some changes are good, but some changes were painful. As you may have read in my previous blog, I have faced some definite trials along the way....some that had significant impact. It wasn't until I had a conversation with my husband that I began to see how God answered my prayer.

I was feeling very much like the devil's chew toy when my husband said, "But you don't understand. Through this situation, I have seen you become more like Christ. I have seen Christ in you more than ever as you worked through this. When you faced this situation years ago, it destroyed you. This time is different."

It IS different because I have learned to live my life surrendered to the King. When we hold on too tightly to the things of this world, it hurts when they are taken away. When we hold tightly to eternal things, they will never be taken away.

As I approach my next birthday this summer, I anxiously anticipate the things God has in store for me in the big 3-4. I have a feeling it will be nothing I would have dreamed to ask for and so much better than I could think up on my own (Have you ever considered piracy? You'd make a wonderful Dread Pirate Roberts!).

I'm yours God. I'm all in....the point of no return. Fire swamps and all.

Excuse me...can you tell me how to get to...?

I'm lost.

Well, not really, but that is how I feel. Have you ever been at a place in your life when you felt like you had finally figured everything out only to have the rug ripped out from under you? Suddenly your life is no longer as it was and you are left to figure everything out on your own.

I am no stranger to struggle. I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I've had to fight for whatever I managed to get (I did have a brother after all!). Because of that, it came as a great surprise when there came a point in my life when doors of opportunity began to fly open at random. What's a girl to do to do but to walk (or run wildly) through those doors?

I did. What I found on the other side of those doors felt like home to me and felt like I was finally stepping into what I was designed for. But now, it seems as if all of those once-open doors have now slammed shut and I'm left stumbling around in a dark hallway. No light. No direction.

This is a very frustrating place for me to be. I don't enjoy feeling this way, but I also understand that I'm not the only person in the world who has felt this way. I'm sure you have felt that way before. I know when I feel this way, there is nothing that anyone can say to make me feel better. I do, however, find great peace and comfort in this:

I [the Lord] will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you. Psalm 32:8

And the Lord shall guide you continually and satisfy you in drought and in dry places and make strong your bones. And you shall be like a watered garden and like a spring of water whose waters fail not. Isaiah 58:11

Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass ... Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him. Psalm 37:4,7

For the LORD gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding. He stores up sound wisdom for the upright; He is a shield to those who walk in integrity, guarding the paths of justice, and He preserves the way of His godly ones. Then you will discern righteousness and justice and equity and every good course. Proverbs 2:6-9

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

Call to Me and I will answer you, and I will tell you great and mighty things, which you do not know. Jeremiah 33:3

I may not understand everything going on in my life at all times and I may not even like it all. However, I will trust in my God and His plans for me.

If you are facing (or have faced) a similar battle, I hope that you will find strength and hope in the word of God as I have. If you have any verses that have helped you through a rough time in life, please post them in the comment section below. Let's link arms and face our battles armed with the word of God! 

PS...Feel free to share this with anyone else who may need some direction or encouragement. We all face times like this. It's nice to know you're not alone. :o)

Let's Take a Walk on the Wild Side, Shall We?

I don't know about you, but my imagination is WILD. Sometimes it's just downright nuts. Have you ever just sat and let your imagination run wild to see where it would take you? I do that frequently. I used to be afraid of my imagination because I never knew if I would like where it took me. I'm not afraid anymore.

Are you?

Let's take a walk on the wild side for a bit. Not me. You. Go grab a cup of coffee or tea, get comfortable, and settle in for mental journey (i.e. this blog may take a few more minutes than usual). I'd like you to let your imagination go as we follow the story of a man from Canada. We'll call him Ray. The story goes like this:

You find yourself on a missions trip in a foreign country that you didn't sign up for. You were misled into thinking that you were going to this country for one reason, only to find out that you would actually be spending the week starving for a day (actually, they did give you $1 to eat off of for the whole day), only using 3 items to get ready another day (toothpaste, hair brush, deodorant...oops! What about the toothbrush?!), doing prayer walks around a scary city at night, visiting an insane asylum, painting an orphanage & church, and cleaning some man's apartment.

How are you feeling so far? Are you still with me?

So you realize that you are stuck in this situation and the only way out of the situation is to do what you're told and make the best of it. Oh, did I mention that you are only 15?

Let's skip through all the stinky, starving, scary, painting (sorry, ran out of "s" words) parts of the story and skip forward to Ray. The leaders of the missions trip sit you down to explain Ray's situation. He is an extreme outcast who lives in a high-rise apartment. He has a girlfriend who visits often, but no other family or friends. He NEVER leaves his apartment. He has food brought to him and orders out a lot. He is filthy. His apartment is so dirty and nasty that you can smell him down the hall. The neighbors complain, but stay away from him partly because of fear and partly because the smell is repulsive. You are warned about the possibility of rats and roaches, armed with cleaning supplies, and encouraged to hurry along because his apartment is 18 city blocks away.

While you are walking (yes, you read correctly....walking) 18 blocks, what do you think would be going through your mind? Would you be happy about serving the Lord in that moment?

When you arrive and climb the stairs, fear grips you as you as the stench permeates the hallway and triggers your gag reflex. People in the building stare in disbelief as you head down the hallway toward, not away from, Ray's apartment.

Are you mentally running away yet? Stick with me.

You enter the apartment to find Ray. He is surprisingly pleasant and happy you are there to do some work in his apartment, but he wants no part of your "Jesus stuff." You begin the cleaning session by praying for Ray with the other members of the cleaning team and asking God to bless him (while you simultaneously ask God to help you through this without losing your lunch). You look around and are overwhelmed by the amount of work to be done, but decide to start in the kitchen.

The team feverishly works for hours doing a complete overhaul on the apartment, throwing out stacks of pornographic magazines (don't even get me started on that one), and disposing of empty beer cans. The once yellow stove is now gleaming white. You could eat off of the floors and the whole place smells fresh. The sheets and blankets have been washed, but the bed still has a foul odor. Otherwise, the place looks immaculate!

Can you picture this? It's like an episode of Extreme Home Makeover!

You smile because you are proud of your work and the difference you see all around you...until your eyes land on Ray. He looks around at what all had been done and can't believe the way his apartment looks. Tears fill his eyes as he says, "I never knew that stove was white!" At the close of the day, the team gets together once more to pray for Ray, but this time it was a little different. Ray asks if he can join in the circle. Once in the circle, he asks if it would be ok for him to pray as well. With tears streaming down his (and your) cheeks, his heartfelt prayer goes something like this:

"God, um...I just want to thank you for sending these people all the way to my house from the United States. I just can't believe what they have done....for me. Thank you for them and I pray that you would bless them, too. Amen."

Now, how do you feel? Was our little trip worth it?

But wait! There's more! [Said like a true infomercial junkie]

As you leave that day, you see maintenance workers from the apartment building bringing in a new mattress - you guessed it - for Ray. They tell you that they can't believe that teenagers from another country would come help this man they didn't even know when they saw him everyday and did nothing to help. They are now making plans to help Ray, set up his new bed, and get him a job.

One man's world was radically changed that day. One apartment building's tennants were rocked and inspired to reach out to the "lowest and least" of their society.

As you may have guessed by now, the imagination journey you just took was my actual experience. This part of my real-life journey is forever etched into my memory and I will never be the same. Many people ask me why I am the way I am and why I see things the way I do. Ray is one of those reasons. It's easy to judge others and see only what they present to you. It's hard to go in and clean their apartment in humility.

Many will choose the easy path and distance themselves from the dirt, grime, and repulsive stench of other people's messes. Some will see the need and act on it. Others will just watch to see what you will do.

What will they see when they look at you? I hope they see a crazy person, armed with supplies, and heading INTO the mess instead of away from it.

Don't Touch The Curtain!

Ahhh, it's nice to be back in the blogosphere again. It's been a while (a LONG while) since my last post due to my life being flipped upside down in incredible, albeit time consuming, ways. During this wild ride that I've been on, I learned something that I want to share with you.

My whole adventure began years ago with a few "church wounds," as I like to call them, that caused me to want to hide. I knew I needed to be in church, but I didn't really want to get to know anyone or be involved in anything. I didn't want my kids to know how deeply I was hurt by "the church" and I certainly didn't want them giving up on God because of my situation. I decided to go back to the church that I had attended in college and the early years of my marriage. I felt remotely safe there because it is a large church. I felt I could be a regular attender, but still be lost in the crowd, so off we went.

Have you ever just wanted to be invisible? Yep, that was me.

I enjoyed the music there, though, and I am a singer so I felt drawn to the choir. I figured I could be in the choir and still not really form any deep bonds. It would be ok. Right? Ha!

Skip forward a few years and a few Worship Arts pastors and you find me now. If you did a before and after comparison of me then and now, you would not believe it was the same person. I have experienced true healing and forgiveness from the church wounds of my past and not only found myself in the choir, but also found myself singing on the praise team. Eventually, I ended up becoming the main worship leader for about six months.

Not exactly what you'd call "hiding," huh?

During that time, I was walking past one of the white curtains on stage and noticed that there was a hole in it. I was amazed at the size of the whole and the fact that you couldn't see it from the congregation. For some reason, I couldn't take my eyes off of it. It was as if a small, quiet voice said, "Remember that hole." Later in the day, someone told me a story about that curtain because it caught his eye as we walked past it. The story went something like this:

 

"Oh yeah, don't touch the curtain. One of our old worship pastors ordered these from France and they cost $5000! He told us never to touch them because they were very delicate and had to be handled with care so they didn't get any holes. As you can see, they got a hole in them anyway."

Can YOU find the hole?

Then that small, quiet voice crept back in and said, "AND YET, they're still in use and quite beautiful even though some people thought they had to be perfect to be used."

 

A ha! It was beginning to come together. The lesson was for me. Even though God had given me an incredible opportunity to bring him glory through worship, I never felt "good enough" to be up there. I never felt like I had enough talent, was a good enough Christian, or was healed enough to lead anyone. It was in that moment that I realized that I don't have to be perfect for God to use me for His glory.

That curtain has been put in many different shapes, stretched, pulled, and heated under hot stage lights, but it's flaws never take away from it's beauty. That sounds a lot like the way I imagine God sees us. As long as we are willing to be flexible, humble, and used by Him, our flaws will not limit the way God can use us. In fact, our flaws may be the very thing that makes someone else believe that God can use them in the first place.

The lesson here is this: Don't hide who you are or what God created you to do or be...flaws and all. And who knows? Your flaws might encourage someone else and inspire them to write a blog post like this one some day. The great thing about being "anything but typical" is not that we are without flaws, but that we allow God to use us the way He wants to in spite of (or even because of) our flaws.