Dear 2012

Dear 2012,

You have brought me some of the deepest fear, pain, anxiety, and conflicting emotions that I have ever known. You have also brought me some of the biggest blessings I have ever known. I experienced the incomparable fear of having a loved one go missing for three months. I survived the torture of creating missing person posters, putting together a search party, and hiking through the woods looking for my loved one (not knowing whether I would find him dead or alive, if at all). I endured the waiting, impatience, uncertainty, and mental torment of my creative imagination forming hundreds of "worst case scenarios" and playing them repeatedly in my mind. The blessings in all of this were the outpourings of love, support, and encouragement from family, friends, and unexpected strangers. Without them and the hand of my heavenly Father to hold and sustain me through it all, I don't know what I would have done.

After months of this drama, I received a break from my mental torture when I was told that my brother had been found and was alive, but in critical condition in ICU after having been beaten, stabbed (multiple times), and left for dead.

Watching him lay there in the bed unable to breath on his own was a contradiction of peace and pain. I was thankful he was WITH me and that he was alive, but I was broken over what had happened to him. After having found out who did this to him, I was sent into a deep inner battle. Hatred, malice, and slander where rapidly taking over my heart and mind in my desperate attempt to make sense of all that had happened. I couldn't understand why someone would do that to another human being based on the color of their skin (which is what it all boiled down to). My otherwise happy, peaceful heart was quickly morphing into a hateful, murderous heart and I knew I was guilty. They were my enemies and I didn't WANT to love them. I didn't WANT to pray for them. I didn't WANT to forgive them. I had entered one of the darkest seasons of my life.

Even still, I knew that God was with me, He still loved me, and that He would never forsake me. He allowed me to wrestle with this deep darkness for a while and slowly began to help me see glimmers of hope and sparkles of light that eventually began to shatter the darkness that had overtaken me. I spent 30 days just meditating and blogging on the attributes of God. This realignment of my focus  gave me a reprive from battle and filled my life with peace and Truth, which was a complete blessing. Another blessing during this time was the amazing group of people that God had placed in my life on a weekly basis. These wonderful people met (and still meet) in my home every Sunday evening to study God's love letter, pray for one another, and support one another on their spiritual journies. He used them to keep me anchored to His Truth (which helped me sort through all the lies in my head) and support me with their love and friendship. I will forever be greatful for them.

An unexpected surprise during this time was a guyser of lyrics that began to explode out of my heart as I began to write songs. The first song, All He Wanted, was about my brother, of course, and the pain he's suffered in his life. I began writing it when he was in ICU. I wasn't sure if I'd ever have music for it since I don't play an instrument, but it was just exciting (and cathardic) to have written a singable song. As it turns out, God already knew who could help me with the music part. I was asked to join a local Christian rock band and have loved every minute of it. Our first show will be in February of 2013 and I will have the honor of sharing my song and story with others.Talk about a God thing!

Even with all of these blessings, I seemed to go from one darkness to another this year. I have spend a great deal of time wrestling with deep spiritual issues and a painful religious disillusionment that left me ready to walk away from a lot of things altogether, including church. I began to be repulsed by religion and legalism while a strong current was pulling me away from all the "rules" and straight into the arms of my Savior who was breaking down all the walls and strongholds that had been built up in my heart. While it was a very painful time, I began to realize that what I was being given was my freedom...freedom from fear, guilt, shame, obligation, hatred, sin, religious manipulation, false gods and many other things that were only holding me back and keep me locked up in a cage. Clearly, my freedom is the blessing that I walked away with as I completed this stage in my 2012 journey.

I can say with all honesty that my journey is far from over and I've got a LONG way to go. I'm still processing some things and I'm still walking away from some things, but I am learning to put up my own boundaries and stand firm on what I know is Truth. I've learned that hurting people hurt people. The people that hurt my brother are not my enemies, but they are wounded people who need God's love just as much as I do. My hatred serves no one. Compassion flowing through me straight from the heart of God is what healed my heart...and it can heal theirs as well. I pray that they will find all they need in God. I have chosen with an act of my will (and in submission to the Holy Spirit living in me) to forgive them.

This year has changed me forever. I will never be the same...nor do I want to be. This year of pain has also been a year of blessing. God has ordered the steps of my journey and He has other places to take me, other things to show me, and even more to teach me. So 2012, while you nearly destroyed me, you also strengthened me. I survived what I thought would kill me and walked away from that which imprisoned me. I end this "anything but typical" year, by the grace of God, as more than a conqueror.

Forever Greatful & Free,

Christy

The Warrior Child

She was a timid girl of only eleven years of age. "Bashful" and "shy" fail in their explanation for her timidity was founded on something deeper than societal phobias or pre-teen awkwardness. Unable to truly see herself for who she was, she began to doubt her worth because she was blinded from the truth. Although she knew her Creator and found value in everything He has made, her own value eluded her. Saddened by her lack of value, strength, talent, and beauty, she stumbled through life from one struggle to another never finding happiness or peace.

For those looking on, it was a great mystery because it was clear that she was special. Her beauty went beyond the superficial beauty that is so prevalent in her society because it was not only skin deep. Her heart of compassion, love for others, and faith in her Creator made her stand out from the crowd with incomparable beauty.

Clearly different from her peers, she was anything but typical and yet she was unable to understand what that meant for her. Because she loves her Creator and has dedicated her life to Him, she has enemies. These are not the typical schoolmate bullies, but a more sinister, powerful force of evil that seeks to steal her joy, kill her hope, and destroy her soul. Her enemies want her to live a defeated life so that she will walk away from Her Creator blaming Him for all of the pain in her life.

They want her soul, even at eleven years of age, and they have already carefully crafted a plan of attack. In fact, their attack began long ago, unbeknownst to her. Her mother, understanding the power of the word of God, began to read the Bible to her and to pray with her every night. Discussions began to unfold between the two about the enemies of God and how they attack. She began to be trained to watch out for the enemy attacks and to quieten her heart to listen for the voice of her Creator who would strengthen and protect her. His voice is gentle and kind, always speaking truth. He never lies, unlike her enemies.

She learned that lies are their main weapon of attack. Her mother could only pray that God would help her daughter learn to know the difference between the truth of God and the lies of the enemy. She was instructed to fight the lies with truth for truth always wins.

Little did she know that her turn to fight was rapidly approaching.  As she began to learn how to listen for the voice of her Creator, she was delighted to be able to hear Him for herself. Her heart was encouraged to know that He loved her, wanted to communicate with her, and wanted her to communicate with Him. This, however, enraged her enemies and they launched a devastating assault on her mind, will, and emotions.

They told her she was nothing and that she would never amount to anything. They lied and said she would never succeed at anything and would never have value in this life. On and on, the lies continued until she crumbled under the weight of them and burst into horrific tears of pain and fear. Unable to bear the burden alone, she shared these thoughts with her mother. Then suddenly, as if she was struck with a bolt of lightening, she shuddered and stared blankly as she began to process what had just been revealed to her. Astonished, she looked up at her mother and said, "Mommy! I'm being lied to!"

This new found awareness did not remove the sting of the lies, but provided a new lens through which she began to look at them. Uncertain of what to do or how to fight, she fell into mother's arms, crying on her shoulder. Her mother simply took that moment to silently pray and ask God for wisdom and strength.

With a slight giggle, her daughter pulled away and said, "Well, that was weird." She began to explain to her mother how she, too, began to pray while they were hugging and somewhere deep inside she felt like she stood up straight and tall, looked her enemy in the face, and shouted, "Get out of my head!" With another giggle, she explained how she then proceeded to "tattle" on her enemies to God by saying, "God, they are telling me lies! Would you please make them go away?"

In that instant, the lies were gone, the pain was gone, and the tears dried up. Her Creator heard her cries and rushed to her rescue causing her enemies to flee like the cowards they are. He blessed her with the peace that passes all understanding and a happiness and joy she couldn't explain. She could rest safely in His arms and, for the first time in her life, she knew it.

What's more, she realized that her enemies told her those things because she does have value, she is strong, she is special, and God has big plans for her. She also realized that she will never be alone because all she has to do is cry out to God and He will rush to her side. She can do all things because of the strength and power He gives to her.

In that moment, she realized that she was no longer defeated, but that she is now a warrior for the King of Kings! This warrior child now knows her value and strength and walks in the truth of who she is. She is a daughter of the Lord of Heavens Armies and woe be unto any enemy that dares to attack her again.

 ** Dedicated with love to my precious Charis

What a Wild Ride, Man!

I can't believe that today is the last day of my 30-day challenge. What's more is that I can't believe I completed it without skipping any days! I have learned so much about the God I serve and I will never be the same. I feel like God has allowed my eyes to be opened to some new things that have altered who I am, how I think, and how I look at life. I feel peace where there used to be worry. I feel joy and certainty where there used to be confusion. I feel so much more deeply connected to the Father and it's hard to believe that it all started with just thinking about Him on the way to and from work! It's shocking to scroll back through the last 30 days worth of blogs and realize that all of that came from just devoting a little time to focusing my heart and mind on Him while I was in the car instead of jammin' out to music.

My commute is 20 minutes. So each day, I was able to devote 40 minutes each day to prayer and meditation on the names and attributes of God. Even if all you've got is a 5 minute commute, I seriously challenge you to try this on your own for 30 days.

I certainly didn't arrive at all the answers to the mysteries of God. Who can really do that? But even so, it is worth it to give God some time each day. I look at what He's done in me with 40 minutes a day and I'm thinking, "Hmmm....how can I sneak in even more time?!"

There's another thing I have found: meditating on God's names, attributes, and word is actually fun and addicting! I don't want to stop! I may never entirely figure Him out, but I never want to stop trying.

If you've followed this amazing journey with me, I just want to thank you! I'd love to hear your stories about what God has taught you through your journey!

If you didn't join the journey, it's never too late to start! I would challenge anyone to think about and read scriptures about the names and attributes of God for 30 days straight. Think about Him. Question Him. Ask Him "why?" Wrestle with Him. I doubt you'll be unchanged and I seriously doubt you'll see God the same as you did before you started. I know I never will!

I have been overwhelmed and humbled by His love, grace, mercy, holiness, provision, goodness, onmipotence, limitlessness, healing power, self-sufficiency, omniscience, sovereignty, wisdom, faithfulness, wrath, comforting Spirit, almighty power, position of authority, intercession, and most of all by His desire to have an intimate relationship with you and me (and the great lengths to which He was willing to go for it).

All I can do is stand in awe.

As I complete this challenge, I want to share one of favorite worship songs with you. I can't hear or sing this without getting lost in love, awe, and adoration for Abba for everything that He is. I also want to share a chapter in Psalms. Take a moment to just get lost in worship right there at your computer. He's there with you. Tell Him what you think of Him.

Psalm 33

1 Let the godly sing with joy to the LORD, for it is fitting to praise him. 2 Praise the LORD with melodies on the lyre; make music for him on the ten-stringed harp. 3 Sing new songs of praise to him; play skillfully on the harp and sing with joy. 4 For the word of the LORD holds true, and everything he does is worthy of our trust. 5 He loves whatever is just and good, and his unfailing love fills the earth. 6 The LORD merely spoke, and the heavens were created. He breathed the word, and all the stars were born. 7 He gave the sea its boundaries and locked the oceans in vast reservoirs. 8 Let everyone in the world fear the LORD, and let everyone stand in awe of him. 9 For when he spoke, the world began! It appeared at his command. 10 The LORD shatters the plans of the nations and thwarts all their schemes. 11 But the LORD's plans stand firm forever; his intentions can never be shaken. 12 What joy for the nation whose God is the LORD, whose people he has chosen for his own. 13 The LORD looks down from heaven and sees the whole human race. 14 From his throne he observes all who live on the earth. 15 He made their hearts, so he understands everything they do. 16 The best-equipped army cannot save a king, nor is great strength enough to save a warrior. 17 Don't count on your warhorse to give you victory -- for all its strength, it cannot save you. 18 But the LORD watches over those who fear him, those who rely on his unfailing love. 19 He rescues them from death and keeps them alive in times of famine. 20 We depend on the LORD alone to save us. Only he can help us, protecting us like a shield. 21 In him our hearts rejoice, for we are trusting in his holy name. 22 Let your unfailing love surround us, LORD, for our hope is in you alone.  

Thank you for joining me on my journey! What incredible journey does He have in store for YOU? :o)

Oh, To Be a Fly On the Wall

Have you ever felt led to pray for someone out of the blue? I have. I have woken up on many occasions having just dreamed something about someone and immediately felt an urgency to pray for them at that moment. It's always a bit frustrating for me, though, because I enjoy praying for others, but I want to know what I should pray for. Is it health, finances, relationships, safety, or what? I don't like praying for people and only being able to say "just bless them, Lord."

Oh I know, God knows the need. I've heard all of that before. I just like to be very specific in my prayers because when I know the problem, I can be laser-focused on the need and asking God for the exact help the issue requires. Even so, if I'm led to pray and I don't know the need, I still pray and I just try to cover all of the bases. :o)

Knowing how specific I like to be, I have a lingering question about this verse:

Romans 8: 33-34

33 Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? Will God? No! He is the one who has given us right standing with himself. 34 Who then will condemn us? Will Christ Jesus? No, for he is the one who died for us and was raised to life for us and is sitting at the place of highest honor next to God, pleading for us.

Did you catch that? In verse 34, it clearly states that while Jesus is sitting next to God, He is praying for us. What?! Jesus is praying for us?!

I have to pause right here because my brain tends to shut down at this point. If you know my imagination, you know I've got some craziness in my head. I can think of all sorts of weird, interesting, bizarre, and atypical things. But this? This shuts me up quickly.

I mean, WHAT does the Son of God pray for you and me (thus my lingering question)?

Not only that, but "pray?" That word trips me up, too, because I think of prayer in human terms....a way to have long distance communication with a God who is beyond our universe and unhindered by time and space. It's not like we can sit down in Starbucks with God for a coffee break. We can't take him out to lunch to discuss our issues.

But I have come to realize that what Jesus is doing is a more accurate view of prayer. God is not a long distance pen pal. Jesus is sitting right next to Him having a conversation with Him about us. What would change about our prayer time with God if we realized and spoke to Him like He was right next to us? (I bet we wouldn't ask Him to "come join us!" We'd feel pretty stupid doing that knowing that He is right beside us.)

I have a feeling that we'd feel ashamed just reciting some prayer we heard someone else say knowing God sees right through it. He'd probably say, "Hey! I'm right here beside you. Just talk to me. Tell me what's on your heart and mind! Stop trying to talk like someone I didn't create you to be."

Since God is everywhere at once, He IS right beside us just like He is beside Jesus while He prays for us. I still wonder what Jesus is praying, though. I would love to be a fly on the wall of the throneroom of God just to hear the beloved Son of God pray for me. How humbling that moment would be! Also, what a comfort it will be to remember that the next time we are facing trials or temptations. When we feel we are being tempted beyond what we can bear, let's remember that Jesus is praying for us in that very moment. Remembering the verse, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." from Phillipians 4:13, it makes you wonder if that is how Christ gives you the strength to be able to do all things. Hmmmmm.....

Don't Lose Your Head

Life in a church is interesting. It truly is like a family. We are not perfect and we mess up just like anyone else (I know I do anyway). We are all like a bunch of brothers and sisters. I have come to love many people I have known in my church experiences, especially over the past year, but others can be what I call "grace growers" or "santification testers." Some argue and fuss all the time. Some get mad and want to retaliate. Some are the tattle-tales of the bunch while others are the awkward "middle" child who can't really figure out what their place is in the chuch. Others are the "mother hen" types who feel like they need to take care of everyone (i.e. boss everyone around and get them in trouble when they don't do something the way they think it should be done). I've had the privilege of attending and visiting many different churches and I have come to find out that they all have a similar situation. They act like real family, some in healthy ways, some in not-so-healthy ways. Shoot, most of them are run by actual clans of family members. I remember this one church I attended where 90% of the congregation was somehow related. If you say something in front of one person, you may as well have said it to the whole church!

It is interesting because as I listen to my children when they get frustrated with each other, I hear the same argument coming up.

"You don't listen to me!"

"You never do anything I want to do!"

"Why does it always have to be your way?"

"You need to do it like this."

"You're mean!"

"You're bossy!"

"I'm telling!"

Sadly, it doesn't sound very different in many "church families." Many people come to church and think they need to tell the pastor, worship leader/song leader, soundboard technician, and custodian (as well as anyone else who will listen) they way things should be done. The carpet should be a certain color. The volume level is too loud/soft. The words on the screen are too big/too small. A screen?! No, we need need hymnals and Bibles we can hold! The songs are....well, you've probably heard of "worship wars." There is a reason it's called a war. It certainly isn't called worship "peace talks."

People in churches everywhere are drawing a line in the sand and demanding their way like little children forgetting the entire purpose for which they exist. They think they know how to do it best and that everyone should listen to them. They begin to dominate and control with fear and it is disgusting to be quite honest with you.

I think many people have either forgotten or have never learned a vital component that should (I repeat SHOULD) be transforming churches everywhere. It is a truth that is so revolutionary that it can't be overlooked and yet it is the one that is hardest for people to embrace.

You ready? I'm just going to lay it on you.

It's. Not. About. You. Not even you Grandma.

This is why it's not about you:

Ephesians 1:22-23 (NIV)

22 And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, 23 which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.

For this particular verse, I like how The Message version words it better:

Ephesians 1:22-23 (The Message)

22 He is in charge of it all, has the final word on everything. At the center of all this, Christ rules the church. 23 The church, you see, is not peripheral to the world; the world is peripheral to the church. The church is Christ's body, in which he speaks and acts, by which he fills everything with his presence.  

The reason it's not about you is because GOD is the head of the church. He is the one who is in charge and I'm pretty sure that He has bigger issues to deal with than the way human beings think a church should look, smell, or sound. So what IS He concerned about? What does HE want?

He wants a family of believers who allow HIM to dictate what is or is not done because they trust Him implicitly. This means He wants us all to surrender our wills and align our hearts to HIS will and HIS plans. He wants Christ to be the ultimate authority (the head) that leads and guides the church, which only acts as His spirit-filled body. He wants us to be able to hear His voice, discern His leading, and follow without complaint or hesitancy.

If you think of your head and your body, do you think of them separately with each doing something different? No! Your head is attached to your body and your head contains your brain, which is the organ that transmits all the orders and instructions to your body. It tells your lungs when to breath, your eyes when to blink in order to avoid being poked, your hand when to scrath your nose, and alerts your foot when you've just stepped on a sharp object. Your head contols your body. That is how it should be in the church.

That is how God designed it to work. Christ (God the Son) is the head. We are the body. We need to do what He wants us to do. What He wants us to do will not always go along with the way we think it should be done. The question is: Are we willing to lay down our selfish, mediocre plans and embrace the grand and glorious plans of God to reach a lost and hurting world with the truth of His love, grace and mercy?

Hmmmmm....where IS that suggestion box?

The Epiphany of a Toddler

Our family has a bright, little shiny spot in our lives and her name is Becca. She is a blonde-haired bundle of fun, laughter, and fabulousness! She's about two years old and we had the privilege of babysitting her today. She likes me (I have bubbles), but she really likes my kids and they like her right back. However, she has a special thing with my sweet hubby, Brock. He's the one who ALWAYS gets hugs and kisses (and sometimes he's the only one). What can I say? He's got a way with the ladies! :o) As she was hanging with us today, she had the startling realization that I am a mommy, too, like her mommy. Charis called for me and Becca looked at me like, "Whoa! Wait. A. Minute." Then she said, "You a mommy?!" as she furrowed her brow. It was incredibly funny to watch her process this new information.

Later in the morning, the situation came around again, only this time the subject was Brock, or as Becca would say, "Bok." She had the same startled look on her face when we explained to her that I am Charis and Isaiah's mommy and Brock is Charis and Isaiah's daddy. She looked at me, then looked at Brock, then looked back at me and said "BOK?! Daddy?!" with a slightly more intense furrowed brow.

Her mind was officially blown! She seemed ok after a while with the thought of me being a mommy, but she couldn't get over the fact that Bok is a daddy. In her mind, that was just craziness.

We do that, too, though. Don't we? With God, it's easy to think of Him as high and lofty, but we struggle sometimes to understand that He is "Abba" or "Father" and He wants us to relate to Him as such. Many people struggle with this because they didn't have a godly father who was a good example. Some fathers do horrible things to their children. If that is children's only image of a father, they will shy away from relating to God or seeing Him as a Father. (So remember that, all you dad's out there. Daddies are human and everyone makes mistakes, but the way you treat your children is spiritually important.)

I was very blessed to have a godly, loving, and patient father. Because of the relationship I have with my dad, I can easily imagine myself just crawling up in God's lap, giving Him a big hug, and telling Him all about my day. I can also imagine God lovingly correcting and disciplining me when necessary. Even so, it is hard for me to marry the concepts of God being my (Heavenly) Father and all the other incredible names and attributes I've learned about and meditated on these past few weeks.

I feel very much like little Becca trying to reconcile the fact that God is more than one thing. In fact He's all the things I've learned, Father, and many more things I've yet to discover. Even though God can not entirely be understood, He wants us to embrace every part of Him that we can...especially the intimate title and relationship of Father.

That would mean that He wants to love us, take care of us, provide for us, "kiss our boo boos" (be our Comfortor), nurture us, teach us, and provide us with a home where we are always welcome. That's what dads "should" do. That would mean that as His children, we respect, honor, and obey Him, trust His provision and care, and love Him in return.

See for yourself...

Romans 8:15-17

15 So you should not be like cowering, fearful slaves. You should behave instead like God's very own children, adopted into his family -- calling him "Father, dear Father." 16 For his Holy Spirit speaks to us deep in our hearts and tells us that we are God's children. 17 And since we are his children, we will share his treasures -- for everything God gives to his Son, Christ, is ours, too. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering.  

Let that one bake your noodle for a while. :o)

Confessions of an Infomercial Junkie

I am a sucker for infomercials. I don't know why I get sucked into these things. Is it the bubbly "fake" audience affirming the product with "oohhhs" and "aaahhhs," the passionate (and loud) salespeople, or is it the lingering promise of "But wait! There's more?" Who knows, but I can get sucked in faster than Jack LeLane could juice an apple!

My favorites are when it is some exercise machine or weight loss product and each testimonial comes to the set weilding a powerful weapon...their before & after pictures. Some of these pictures are unbelievable! The skeptic in me always wonders about airbrushing and photoshop, but it's different when I see the before an after of someone I know.

I can think of several people who I know have lost dramatic amounts of weight and my before memory is very different from their present reality. I also know of a beautiful young girl who I went to school with. She always had acne, but who didn't back then? I mean, come on! Anyway, she didn't like her acne so she bought a popular skin care line (no doubt about her infomercial watching habits, LOL) and it worked! She had such a great before & after that she was actually asked to be IN one of their infomercials! She now looks completely different. She's all grown up with radiant skin and has actually done some modeling.

Before and afters are amazing. That's all there is to it.

As much as I love infomercials and success stories, though, there is one that stands out among all the others.

Job was a man in scripture who knew a thing or two about pain and suffering. He also knew a thing or two about God and it was his knowledge of God that helped him survive an ordeal that included what would be most people's worst nightmares. He lost pretty much everything and everyone he loved. He got to keep his life and his wife and she was no help at all!

What was it that Job knew that helped him through all of this? He knew El-Shaddai, which means, "God Almighty." He knew that giving God your heart made all the difference in a person's life. He describes the before and after below.

Take a look:

Job 11:7-20

7 "Can you solve the mysteries of God? Can you discover everything there is to know about the Almighty? 8 Such knowledge is higher than the heavens -- but who are you? It is deeper than the underworld -- what can you know in comparison to him? 9 It is broader than the earth and wider than the sea. 10 If God comes along and puts a person in prison, or if he calls the court to order, who is going to stop him? 11 For he knows those who are false, and he takes note of all their sins. 12 An empty-headed person won't become wise any more than a wild donkey can bear human offspring ! 13 "If only you would prepare your heart and lift up your hands to him in prayer! 14 Get rid of your sins and leave all iniquity behind you. 15 Then your face will brighten in innocence. You will be strong and free of fear. 16 You will forget your misery. It will all be gone like water under the bridge. 17 Your life will be brighter than the noonday. Any darkness will be as bright as morning. 18 You will have courage because you will have hope. You will be protected and will rest in safety. 19 You will lie down unafraid, and many will look to you for help. 20 But the wicked will lose hope. They have no escape. Their hope becomes despair."  

What a difference El-Shaddai makes! From misery to hope, fear to courage, darkness to light, sin to forgiveness, and despair to safety, God Almighty is the way! It never ceases to amaze me that all I have to offer Him is my dark, dead, sinful heart and He has all of these blessings just waiting for me! I'm so glad that El-Shaddai is also infinite because that only means that I can't exhaust these blessings. There is no end to His abundance and love. What peace that brings to my heart!